Hey Wild Ones,
So today I was given the question in my class to talk about self-esteem and self-confidence. For me that was a hard topic to write about because it is something I have battled with for years. However, I have learned that when I share my story it is freeing and I no longer carry that burden with me. So here is my story of self-esteem and self-confidence.
When I was growing up I would say that I was outgoing in school, I was very talkative, I had lots of friends. I was happy; I mean as happy as any other kid could be. but also at this time my family was poor. Like there is no sugar coating that. We were poor like food stamps, welfare, food pantries, POOR. But despite that I had confidence. Yet that confidence was shattered to pieces in the sixth grade. I remember this experience like it was yesterday. That’s how much of an effect its had on me. So here’s what happened….
It was towards the end of the day and I was in my last class which was social studies. I remember talking to my then friend when these two boys started saying that someone in the class smelled like ass. We’ll call them Roger and Justin. They continued this for maybe ten minutes before going to the teacher and talking to her about it. I remember she asked them where they felt it was coming from and Roger said “it’s one of the girls with glasses”. At this time there were only 2 girls in the class with glasses me and this girl that we’ll call Kia. So now everyone in the class is looking at us like who is it. Now as I mentioned before my family was poor and so laundry didn’t always get washed but I would try to mask it with perfume. So anyway in mist of talking to the teacher Justin walks past me and Kia basically smelling us. Then he goes back to the teacher and Roger and whispers something; which then leads her to point at me and start laughing. Once they started laughing everyone else would look at me and then turn their heads and laugh.I remember sitting at my desk praying that the bell would ring so i could leave. Like there were tears forming in my eyes that I couldn’t hold back. So the bell finally rings and I legit run out of that class and out of the building as fast as I possibly could. Then as I walked home I cried my eyes out.
That one moment in my life changed me so much. Like I went from outgoing to not even wanting to exist. I didn’t want people to even notice me. It was crippling. All the confidence and self-esteem left as if I had never even had any. From that day I shut down. I didn’t speak anymore I just wanted to fly under the radar.
I’m posting this today because my fight for my confidence has been hard. But my sharing this story I feel like I have gotten a piece of it back. I am no longer allowing myself to be prisoner to this situation any more. I would never wish that experience on anyone. And if my story connects to anyone than I have done want I needed too.
Don’t Let Bullies Stop You Wild Ones