Monthly Archives: October 2016

Utopia (Run Away Series: Part 4)

Now it’s just me and you.
We’ve said our goodbyes and ran away.
No regrets.
No looking back.

We are here.
We’ve created this Utopia that only we know.
You can be the Ruler today.
I’ll do as you say.
Tomorrow I will rule, and you will listen.
I promise we’ll take turns.

We will share all that we own in this utopia.
What’s mine is yours.
What’s yours is mine.
I wouldn’t want it any other way.

You saved me and I saved you.
We are safe here.
This is our utopia.
Built by us.

Why Keep Going?

Why Keep going? Why not just call it quits?

Why not just walk away? Why keep going on this path that never ends?…

These are the questions that have haunted me every night for months. I mean it has come to the point where I lay awake just contemplating my existences. Why keep going through this roller coaster of emotions and effort. If you have ever had these thoughts I’ve compiled a list of my top 10 reasons why.

Well here’s why wild ones:

  1. The journey is more beautiful than the actual end result.
  2. The life that you want is possible.
  3. You have to come first, so is walking away even what’s best for?
  4. You have support if you need it. Just reach out.
  5. You are a beautiful being and you can choose to not let fear stop you.
  6. Nothing bad last forever.
  7. Things could be worse.
  8. Things will always get better.
  9. Tomorrow is a new day… So if today was shitty tomorrow can be better.
  10. If it doesn’t work CHUCK IT IN THE FUCK BUCKET. And keep going

You always have a supporter in me wild ones.

Xoxo

img_2806-1

Validation 

So today I had the thought of validation. You know that feeling or confirmation that you matter or that everything is going good. I thought of it today because for most of my life I have been obsessed with everyone else’s approval of my choices. When I should have been thinking of my own approval. 


Like I would sign in to any social media site I was on just to see if someone liked my post. Why? Well the answer was that a longed for so long for anyone to say “hey! Omg she’s funny!” Or “omg! She’s so deep”. 

Upon watching and reading so many things you learn that needing validation from others is a psychological thing that was imbedded into your subconscious mind from a very young age. I had to sit and think on that🤔. 


What I came up with is yes a child I sought the validation from my mother but never got it so yes now as a young adult I feel the need to have validation in all that I do. But seriously it’s unhealthy. I mean not everything that you do will be the most amazing thing ever but it doesn’t mean that because no one liked it that you are somehow any less than the millions of other people who don’t get validation. 

I feel like it teaches you to be your own biggest cheerleader and fuck what anyone else has to say about what you do. At the end of the day you only get one life. So don’t live it off of another person telling you your doing good. 

That’s my daily thought. So be your own validator wild ones!!


GoodBye (Run Away Series: Part 3)

Tonight we left and never looked back
I wasn’t sad and neither were you.
That town did us no good.
We have scars to show for the pain it caused.

We left behind family and friends.
We didn’t say goodbye.
That would have been to painful.
We may have changed our minds.

I didn’t want to stay and neither did you.
So say goodbye to all that we knew.
Goodbye to your mother.
Goodbye to my father.
Goodbye to the town that never understood us.

You are all I have now.
I am all you ever needed.
Promise we’ll never say good bye to each other.

 

Self Confidence

Hey Wild Ones,

So today I was given the question in my class to talk about self-esteem and self-confidence. For me that was a hard topic to write about because it is something I have battled with for years. However, I have learned that when I share my story it is freeing and I no longer carry that burden with me. So here is my story of self-esteem and self-confidence.

When I was growing up I would say that I was outgoing in school, I was very talkative, I had lots of friends. I was happy; I mean as happy as any other kid could be. but also at this time my family was poor. Like there is no sugar coating that. We were poor like food stamps, welfare, food pantries, POOR. But despite that I had confidence. Yet that confidence was shattered to pieces in the sixth grade. I remember this experience like it was yesterday. That’s how much of an effect its had on me. So here’s what happened….

It was towards the end of the day and I was in my last class which was social studies. I remember talking to my then friend when these two boys started saying that someone in the class smelled like ass. We’ll call them Roger and Justin. They continued this for maybe ten minutes before going to the teacher and talking to her about it. I remember she asked them where they felt it was coming from and Roger said “it’s one of the girls with glasses”. At this time there were only 2 girls in the class with glasses me and this girl that we’ll call Kia. So now everyone in the class is looking at us like who is it. Now as I mentioned before my family was poor and so laundry didn’t always get washed but I would try to mask it with perfume. So anyway in mist of talking to the teacher Justin walks past me and Kia basically smelling us. Then he goes back to the teacher and Roger and whispers something; which then leads her to point at me and start laughing. Once they started laughing everyone else would look at me and then turn their heads and laugh.I remember sitting at my desk praying that the bell would ring so i could leave. Like there were tears forming in my eyes that I couldn’t hold back. So the bell finally rings and I legit run out of that class and out of the building as fast as I possibly could. Then as I walked home I cried my eyes out.

That one moment in my life changed me so much. Like I went from outgoing to not even wanting to exist. I didn’t want people to even notice me. It was crippling. All the confidence and self-esteem left as if I had never even had any. From that day I shut down. I didn’t speak anymore I just wanted to fly under the radar.

I’m posting this today because my fight for my confidence has been hard. But my sharing this story I feel like I have gotten a piece of it back. I am no longer allowing myself to be prisoner to this situation any more. I would never wish that experience on anyone. And if my story connects to anyone than I have done want I needed too.

Don’t Let Bullies Stop You Wild Ones

img_2806

Running (Run Away Series: Part 2)

Take my hand it’s time to run. Never let go but please run fast.
We’ve been waiting on this moment for years and today it’s finally come.
At midnight I’ll meet you by the tree where we met.
And we’ll finally runaway just you and me.

Let’s run from the pain they caused.
Let’s run from the mistakes we’ve made.
Let’s run from the hearts we’ve broken.
Let’s leave this all behind and never look back.
When it’s just me and you.

There will be no yesterday or tomorrow.
Just here and now.
We like it that way.
You’ll never need to wipe away tears again.
We’ll have the peace we’ve always dreamed of.

But my dear you must keep running.
Trust me and run with me.
We’re leaving this all behind.

Family

FAMILY.  That is the one word that came to me as I lay in the bed trying to go to sleep. But instead I am lying awake thinking about my family. Questions arose like

Why can’t my family be like the more normal families?

But in all reality was is normal anymore. If anything I would describe my family as a bunch of leaches that stick on to you an suck you out of everything that you have and that you are. Now I could be a little dramatic right now but honestly I’m not.

You see I am a naturally happy person, I don’t expect anything, or ask for much. At least I don’t feel like I do. But I care a lot and that is my flaw. I care way TOO much and this is where people typically use me. It’s like i have this sign on my head that says USE ME AND LEAVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS!.

That’s how I would describe my roll in my family. I am like the drop off location for problems and the place to come to take when I barely had anything to begin with. I don’t want this to be a bash the family post. But hey that’s my shitty story. I don’t know why I wanted to rant about this because I typically just decide to ignore it. But today was different it just kept weighing on me.

I mean how much can people take from someone that already doesn’t have much. I try so hard to be happy but how can you be happy when your family is the root of your issues?

I don’t know if this post makes any sense but I needed to get it out.

Until next time,

img_2806

Run Away (The Run Away Series: Part 1) 

I’ve got a plan if you’ll listen.
Let’s runaway, this place isn’t for us.
They don’t understand us.
They don’t want us together.

Let’s escape in the night.
No one will ever know.
They can’t stop us.
But we’ll only go if you want to.
Do you?

Do you want to leave with me?
Go somewhere…anywhere that isn’t here.
We’ll be together.
We’ll have all the love between us that we’ll leave behind.
Is that enough to make you come with me?

I don’t want to be in pain anymore.
I don’t want to see you cry anymore
They don’t deserve your tears.
You don’t deserve the pain they inflict on you.
Runaway with me.

Runaway with me and leave it all behind.
What do you say will you runaway with me?

Soulmate Dreams

Have you ever dreamed of being around this being that you can’t necessarily but you feel their essences? I know it sounds very weird like “how can you dream of someone you’ve never even met?” You see that’s my point exactly. But let me tell you guys how I came to this topic to begin with.

So since about the end of August or early September I have been having these dreams about this essences of a person. I say dreams as if it’s a lot but it’s been about maybe 2 or 3. Each time me and this essence are doing something different so it’s not the same dream on repeat. The first dream we were driving down a highway. I don’t know where we were going or even where we were. Now normally I am a person with a lot of anxiety and so not knowing where I am triggers my anxiety (yes I know it’s a dream) but even in dreams when I am lost or can’t identify where I am I have anxiety. However, for some reason in this dream I didn’t feel that, I was just at peace and I felt safe and at home. The weirdest part is that when I woke up I still felt that warmth and it made me happy all day.

giphy

The most recent dream I had of this essence was 2 night ago. This dream consisted of me and the essence laying on the bed and we were talking. Now we weren’t speaking with our voices (yes I know how do you talk without speaking.) But it was like we were communicating on a mental level like reading thoughts. I felt the same safety and peace as I had in the first dream. And I don’t know how but this essence just felt familiar. Now I don’t remember what we were taking about but again when I woke up I felt this warmth as if I had actually laid with someone all night. It was such a calming feeling.

So like any person who has questions I took to google.

200_s

Upon searching I came upon this site that gave a very detailed description about what a soulmate dream is. And my experience and how they were describing it sounded very similar I mean I didn’t dream their dream but the feeling and not being able to see the person was the same. And I learned that soulmate dreams can occur before you meet your soulmate because your souls have found each other again on an astral level. (honestly mind blown).

astralprojection

I honestly believe in soulmates and twin flames. I believe fully that everyone has someone. (I am a hopeless romantic). And I do think that when we sleep our souls do search on the astral plane for the soul they are attached to and want to be with. I also think that it is pretty amazing that people can experience this dream that allows them to know that the person they belong with is out there and even though they haven’t found this person yet their soul has found the others soul. I mean how amazingly cool does that sound.

Well that’s what was on my mind today,

Stay cool Wild Ones, your soulmates are out there if you haven’t met them yet!

image1