What Comes Next?

This past year I have been on a physical and spiritual journey to finding my self.

This journey has been frustrating, wonderful, and annoying. It has come with tears and smiles; but it been my journey. However, this journey has come to this point where I ask the question what comes next?

Where do you go in a journey when you are physically somewhere that no longer fosters your growth?

To figure out the answer to this question, I guess you have to know how I started this journey. I started my journey to finding myself back in September or October of 2014. I started it when I decided to leave my home state. That was the first step, after making that first step for a while I was stuck there. I didn’t know what move I should make after that.

Well with the encouragement from a former friend, I reached out to biological dad. For some reason I felt like the journey to myself started there. BOY was I wrong. That was not a good idea. Instead of getting answers to the questions I’d asked myself my entire life; all I got is more confusion and anger. That one bad experience shattered my journey for a while. I no longer wanted to face my demons, I wanted to hide, cry, and most times honestly die. It wasn’t a suicide type of death (I wasn’t there). But in a sense I did want to die. I wanted to shed myself of who I was and be born as someone else.

From that experience a death did happen. It was the death of an old me and the birth of the me who I kept hidden out of fear. In that moment is when I got the courage and strength to reach out to a friend who I hadn’t spoken to in FOREVER.  Reconnecting with her gave me so much new insight and really allowed me to set aside my fear and go and explore the pieces of myself that I hid. So as of January 1st, 2016; I went on my official spiritual and semi-physical journey to a new me. I say semi-physical because I can’t actually say I put that much effort in to changing myself physically. Most of my effort went into finding out who I was spiritually.

Since that day I can say that I see a change myself and the actions that I make. However once again I’ve come to that place in my journey where I have to ask what now?  There is so much that I want to do but I am fully and truly a Bohemian Hippie and if anyone know what that is. It basically means I live a pretty simple life. I don’t own much material wise and I also don’t have much of money.

So I am kind of in a mini but almost full rut. It’s like digging a whole but never actually having or creating a means to get out once you’re done digging. In my mind my spiritual journey was going to keep me from getting to a place where I couldn’t grow anymore. And sadly it didn’t.

So now I must ask what happens next?

Feel free to leave your own stories, journey or thoughts in the comments, and even advice.

Xoxoxo,

Marley Fox

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